


Put a Frickin' Bow on it!

by AwatereJones



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Alternate Universe, Christmas Story, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:28:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 12,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28134681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AwatereJones/pseuds/AwatereJones
Summary: So Ianto's life is suddenly changed when his father tells him he is not his son. Ianto is left hurt and slightly enraged as he knows that he is a Jones. Why is his Da acting like this and as he uncovers secrets he also finds that he does not need to be his father's son to be a good man. It takes a good man to know one and Jack comes along when Ianto needs him. ALT VERSE
Relationships: Jack Harkness/Ianto Jones
Comments: 41
Kudos: 62





	1. Chapter 1

"Tad?" Ianto called as he entered the family home he had known since birth. He and his three siblings had grown up in this lovely big house that his Grandparents had built. A huge acreage with the large family house in the middle and down by the lake was a small guest house that the young married couple had lived in until Ianto's oldest sister was born, when they moved into the main house with his father's parents. As GrandTad got older he had moved with Grandma to the guesthouse and let the growing family have the rest of the house. Now Grandma was gone GrandTad spent his time in the guest house, no longer even bothering to use the main house as his anymore.

So … Ianto was the second youngest. His oldest sister Rhiannon now off and married at 34 years old, two little beasts of her own. Then Sean, 30 years old, engaged but not looking like a child was about to pop at any stage in the near future. Then Ianto, 25. Last but not least, the youngest sister Mia who was 20. Young, sweet and everyone's sweetheart. The Pipsqueak.

"In the Den" came the terse bellow and Ianto sighed as he walked into the Den to greet his father. Hew Jones was a gruff man. He was also affectionate at times to the others but Ianto had always found him too busy for much more than a few words. The older siblings told Ianto he was imagining it, their own lives had been filled with affection, hugs still there when greeted as was the sweet Mia but Ianto did not begrudge her that, he loved her a little too much too.

Ianto always felt it stemmed from the fact he did not look like him. Rhiannon was Mama to a T with blue eyes, dark hair and a rounded figure, Sean and Mia pure Tad with blonde hair and soft blue eyes. Ianto's hair was mousy and his eyes grey. He was the only one of the children that was so pale but of course, he was the only one that did not love the sun. Rhiannon walked daily, had a lovely tan that she enhanced in the winter with a sun bed. Sean and Mia were outdoorsy types with him rock climbing and her horses. Ianto was the only nerd. Geek. Weirdo.

"Well then. What brings you here on a week day?" Hew asked with interest, Ianto only coming on a Sunday for the family meal where he would eat quietly and politely answer questions, then help with the dishes.

"Well… I know this is silly but… I got a bill from the university. I mean… I thought my trust fund kicked in when I turned 25. I guess it's one that was missed, can you add it to the account for payment?" Ianto explained with confusion, the older two kids already having used their trust finds and he knew that even though Mia was still too young to access her quarter freely she had been allowed a lump sum to pay for her car.

His father stared at him for a time, and then said "What trust fund?"

Ianto blinked "Ah… mine. Grandmother left money in a trust fund for all of her grandchildren for their schooling, I mean… both Rhia and Sean got their quarters. Their left over amounts given for the down payments for their homes. I know there is plenty left in it … I don't understand the question."

"Well, you answered the question. That trust fund is for HER grandchildren. MY children since she wss MY mother" he seemed smug, leaning back to swing in the chair as Ianto tried to follow the weirdness of the conversation.

"What… Tad. What are you trying to say?" Ianto frowned. He noticed the open bottle of whiskey, the glass almost empty and was shocked. Tad was drinking in the middle of the day? What the actual.

"Ianto, let me lay this out for you shall I? You are not my son. I do not know where you came from but I can assure you that you are not of my blood. Therefore, I do not have to give you a fucking thing. In fact, the money I spent raising you should really be calculated since your mother never had a job to help with your expenses. Sorry, you are not mine and now that you are 25 you can either get a job and cover your own arse or your mother can start giving you money from HER funds."

Ianto felt the blood roaring in his ears as he stood staring at the man he had called Taddy for his entire life, this man so cruelly sneering at him like a stranger asking for money for food or something.

Ianto backed out of the room, still shaking as he gasped for air and he looked around wildly for some sort of explanation. Some sort of hint or clue to what to do.

"Ianto? You Ok there love?" Anna asked, her hand reaching for him as she put down her duster. Ianto blinked as he stared at the housekeeper that had worked for the family his entire life as well. She must know. All this time… they probably all knew he was a fake. A cuckoo.

Ianto staggered out of the house and stood in the backyard as he tried to understand what planet he was on.

He didn't recognize this one anymore.


	2. duck crap

Ianto found himself in the lake. Yeah… IN the lake. Up to his knees.

A swan lazily cruised past giving him an evil look before turning to let it's arse wiggle. Damned things don't like him.

"Boy! Get out of there. You will have duck shit in your shoes!" came a roar and Ianto turned to stare at his GrandTad. Well… he didn't know what to call him now.

The old man saw the tears rolling down Ianto's face and leaned forward in his wheelchair, motioning him to get up on the deck and Ianto morosely waded through said duck shit. The ducks swore at him and moved lazily out of the way as Ianto sat on the deck, letting his wet feet stay in the shallows.

"Boy? What is it? Tell me" the old man crooned, his hand reaching out to stroke his hair "Come on, tell GrandTad."

"But that's just it" Ianto sobbed "You aren't. I love you, love the bones of you but you aren't me GrandTad are you. I am nothing to you. Nothing. Just a fucking stray."

Ifan pulled his hand back with confusion "What?"

"Tad… I mean HEW just told me I am not his son. That I am the result of another man's fucking. My schooling is not paid for, I am destitute and in trouble now. All this time I thought the trust find was paying for me same as the others. I had no idea I was not in the trust fund's list of beneficiaries." Ianto flopped back to stare at the ceiling of the decking's roof "I am fucked. I can't pay the last year's work let alone the next one I need to finish to get my qualifications if I want to be a biologist. God. What a joke. I can't be anything now."

"Wait. Back it up and park it. What the fuck are you talking about?" Ifan was angry now, confused and seeing his favourite grandchild upset was not something he was used to. Of all the kids, this one was always a good boy. "Ianto love. You are listed in the trust find. Your grandmother loved you, we talked it over and made that trust fund for you. She had her own money when we wed and she wanted it to be put to good use. You kids are wonderful and … I do not know what your father is talking about but you were born here. Your mother never did anything with someone else. There was never an argument between them until she caught him … she found out he was straying about fifteen years ago."

Ianto sat up "what?"

"Boy… you are the replica of me at your age. There is no mistaking that you are a Jones. I do not get him and this story he told you" Ifan shook his head "I am calling your mother. She can sort this."

Ianto got out of the water and dripped onto the patio, looking around then he started to walk back towards the main house, his brain on fire now as he remembered old photos of his GrandTad as a young man in the hallway.

Ianto stood staring at the old black and white photograph of his GrandTad and long since dead Great uncle. Both men smiling as they stood in their uniforms. He WAS the same as him to look at. Both of them. He WAS a Jones.

What the hell was his Tad playing at?

.

.

.

"Ianto?"

Ianto's mother entered his room to find chaos as Ianto shoved things into boxes, suitcases open and a pile of stuff in the middle of the room that he knew he did not have room for in his car. "Sweetie? What are you doing? What is this? Lord of the flies?"

"Oh, sorry. I am going to set that on fire once I am done sorting what I want to take" Ianto said distractedly, looking around then adding "Outside I mean. Not in here."

"What?" she blinked with confusion "Ianto... what is going on? Your grandfather is blowing up my phone and your Tad has locked himself in the office sulking."

Ianto tuned to face her and sighed "I am moving out."

"Where are you going?" she asked with open horror.

"No idea. I will not stay where I am not wanted, not where I am treated like this. I am going. Maybe Rhiannon will let me have her couch for a few nights until I can sort some sort of job now I can't continue with university." Ianto threw a trophy for his swimming into the pile of discards and she gasped snatching it back out and cradling it with confusion.

"Darling… I don't understand"

"Tad told me everything. He said you were a slut that fucked someone else and I am not his. I know he has not been paying my university bills from the trust fund because he does not think I deserve anything from him. He told me I am not his son, I am not entitled to anything so… what else can I so mum. Seriously. How could you be so cruel to let me think he was my Tad, that he loved me when the whole time he hates me so strongly. He must do. If I am an Affair baby. I will get a job, I will pay you back for every morsel of fucking food he ever fed to me. I will NEVER come into this house again and you will never have to pretend I am one of his kids. Right?"

She was crying now and Ianto felt terrible but could not stop. He knew it wasn't' real, not true. He also knew his father had somehow thought this funny or some sort of punishment for something but two can play that game. Jones hit-n-run engaged. If he wanted to make Ianto feel like shit… there we go. The smell of the duck shit will hopefully seep into the carpet and Ianto kicked off the sodden shoes and let his disgusting socks now drip into the carpet.

There ya go fucker.

Duck shite for you!


	3. Did you know?

The screaming filled the house as his parents went at it hammer and tongs but Ianto did not care. Not his problem. He was filling his car with what he could fit as Anna tried to stop him, telling him it was wrong to act impulsively. Well… he had thought his life set, he had been a good stable son and whatever this bullshit act was, he was not impressed. His father was clearly doing this to punish his mother for something. Then Ianto remembered his grandfather's words.

Hang on a minute.

WHO HAD AN AFFAIR?

Ianto turned to look at the house, willing it to spontaneously combust or something. Seriously? They can all burn in hell!

Ianto got in the car, slamming the door as he decided to let them stew for a while. He roared out of the driveway and down the street heading for the only place that would make him feel better right now.

Owen's Man Cave.

.

.

.

"So… your dad really said you were not his when you look exactly like the old man" Own said with a shake of his head.

"I still don't know why" Ianto shook his head with a grimace.

"So... what did your mum say about it?" Toshiko asked as she swapped Ianto's empty beer can for a full one, then settled next to her husband, placing her hand on Owen's knee.

"She was confused, same as me." Ianto shrugged.

"So you did a Jones-Hit-N-Run without even giving him a piece of your mind?" Owen shook his head. "What about your siblings?"

"Huh" Ianto grunted, pulling out his phone to call Sean and seeing Rhiannon had been trying to call him. He called her and listened as she told him off or upsetting their mother. He then told her what had happened and listened to the silence, the faint sound of kids arguing the only sound as his sister stalled to much as he had. "See? What was I supposed to do? Beg him?"

"Mum never had an affair!" she finally said.

"I know. GrandTad let slip that TAD did fifteen years back now." Ianto took delight in the sharp intake of breath that told him that she feckin knew. She knew about that. This comforted him because if she knew of this, she would have definitely known of another. Now he knew his father had done this as some sort of sick power play. He had expected him to fall at his feet in a mess. Why. Oh god.

"Rhiannon… the trust fund IS still there right? GrandTad said it wss a large sum. I mean… you and Sean would not have even used half according to Grandy. So… he is not saying this as there is only enough left for Pipsqueak?" Ianto asked with growing alarm.

"Well… I am about to find out. Hang on" she snarled, the sound of the phone hitting something then more faint children's laughter. Clicking of keys as she must be on the computer. Of course. She would have access to the trust fund so she would be able to …

"FUCKING FUCKITY BASTARDY FUCKER!"

…. Check the numbers herself.

"Rhia?"

"It's gone. Only twenty grand left. Was cleaned out but he put five grand in a few weeks ago. Looks like he has been dribbling it out for years. Bastard. Fucking bastard!" she was raging. That Jones blood runs hot ya know.

"Well… where the fuck did it all go? Same account?"

"Fair point" she muttered, clicking some more "yep. Looks like it's…. well. Fuck. Looks like the same account it goes to on a weekly basis for the last… god knows how many years."

"The mistress" Ianto said with a sinking heart "what's the bet. He was transferring. Accusing Mum of it because he IS doing it. If he is still paying after all this time then he must still be seeing her on the side still, right? Why else would he be…. Oh no."

"Oh no what?" Rhiannon demanded, now so angry the phone in Ianto's hand was getting hot. I swear to god, he could practically hear her blood vessels popping.

"You don't think … I mean… you said it. Transferring. He was projecting his own wrongs onto Mum so… is there a kid? Is that why he pays her? Another sibling out there? Well… half?" Ianto asked angrily and Owen yelped as his beer spilt, turning to scold but seeing the upset in Ianto's' face.

"Fucker" Rhiannon roared to no one in particular, "He better not have. I will cut his fucking nuts…..oh."

"Rhia?"

"Got her name. I watch Catfish ya know, that American show about people who pretend on the internet? I watch and I learn, I did a search on the name the account is in… I got her! Third one in the row!"

"Can you be sure?" Ianto asked leaning forward with interest.

"Yeah. Our prick of a father is in some of the pictures she's posted." Rhiannon sounded defeated now as she added "last week."


	4. smutty captain

Ianto had been drinking and could not drive so Owen offered only to be reminded that he was drinking too. So Rhiannon came around to Owen's with her laptop and Toshiko soon had everything on her own computer system that was more advanced.

"Right. Not I have it all… let's see…."Toshiko muttered, checking "Yep. He pays the rent on the place she lives in… and also private school."

"Is it a boy or a girl!"

"Er…"

"Toshiko?"

"Which one?" she asked meekly, grimacing as she swung to face him then added "There are two. Fourteen and another is almost ten."

"Boys?"

"Oldest is a girl, the younger one a boy"

Ianto flopped his head back to stare at the ceiling and Rhiannon ranted for awhile then stormed from the room. Ianto was still there for a while then he cursed softly "Shit, is she calling mum?"

Ianto rushed to the to his room to find her venting alright. He mouthed 'mum?' and she shook her head, mouthing back the worse option 'Sean' before motioning him out of the room.

"And cue shit hitting the fan" Ianto muttered as he found his spot on the sofa once more.

"Welcome to my world" Own said cheerfully.

.

.

.

.

Owen knew his mate needed to blow off some steam so he took Ianto to this great underground grind club, the pumping music so loud they could not talk without straining their vocal chords. Ianto's eyes widened as he entered and looked around, taking in the strobe lights, dark corners and bodies grinding on the dance floor.

Nice.

A few drinks later… necked as quickly as possible of course… and Ianto was in the throng of bodies, his arms up writhing to the beat.

The hands that slid around him were gentle, almost loving as they pulled him back and he sure needed that connection with someone, as he felt a body hook in against him. A normal Ianto might have been suspicious, definitely would have at least turned to see who thought they had a shot at him but this Ianto didn't give a hairy dog's bollocks tonight who made a play. He wanted to feel something other than betrayal. Those hands were pretty fine too, their fingers slinging down his hips, into the crotch to squeeze, then retreat now and then. Clearly this was someone who ws also seeking a good hard shag in the toilet block.

Well, well, well. The dick pressing into Ianto's lower back felt nice…. Big… too. Hmmm. Been a while since he had a man. Not since his early days at Uni when he ws bi-curious. He' not been with anyone since Lisa…. Well fuck. Had to think of that backstabbing bitch didn't ya. Now the fizz was fizzling out. Can't have that now.

They danced some more then came the lips to his neck, a nice touch letting him know his dance partner was the same height. Ianto liked that, easier to fuck against a wall if needed… god he smells good too.

Ianto let himself lean into the clutch, letting the man know he was up for it and soon they were fighting their way through people out down the hallway and Ianto expected to find himself in a bathroom stall but instead they were suddenly in an office. The small lamp on the desk the only light as Ianto swung to finally see who had decided to fuck him tonight.

HOLY FUCK HE IS GORGEOUS

The man was dark haired, piercing blue eyes and with this air about him that screamed sexy. Ianto felt himself starting to heat up at the mere thought of this man and found himself asking "Top or Bottom sexy."

"I prefer the ride to being ridden" the man replied, reaching out to stroke Ianto's face, "But for you I would make an exception."

"Nah… I don't care. A fuck is a fuck" Ianto shrugged, then smiled softly as he noticed the gentle way the man had stroked his face "And what do I call you? Cowboy?"

"Jack. Captain Jack to my friends" Jack laughed softly, seeing the playfulness in this one.

"Ianto. Captain eh?"

"Yeah… because I welcome EVERYONE aboard" Jack leered, Ianto's laughter now a deep booming laugh that did things to Jack's dick. Oh boy… a live one.

Then Jack didn't think of much as he found himself slapped on the desk and this wild cat clawing at him, teeth…. Oh teeth…. Yeah…. Awwww…. Jack felt himself go weak at the knees as his Captain stood up to get to work, by the time Ianto was climbing up to straddle him on the desk Jack was a mess of pent up lust and excitement.

"Oh god… let's not break the desk if we can" Ianto panted, Jack's chuff of laughter turning to a moan as Ianto started to seat himself with a careful hand on Jack's chest to support himself.

They did not break the desk but it did move, rocking across the floor as both men let their inner beast loose. Finally Ianto was laying on top of Jack moaning softly as he convulsed, Jack too blessed out to know anything but the scream of blood in his own ears.

Ianto let his head settle on the man's shoulder as he decided this was the best night ever.


	5. hello again

Ianto was warm. Also, he needed to pee like a damned horse and he sighed as he moved in the bed. He then registered the body he was spooning around and he felt a momentary panic before memories filtered through from his drunken stumble home with the stud he had fucked on a desk.

Jack.

Captain Jack if ya please.

Ianto hummed as he felt that familiar ache deep inside that told him it had been a VERY good night ta muchly. Ianto breathed the man in, letting his hand splay across the taught stomach of the man who had rocked his world.

The man moved and Ianto watched him turn to face him, the smile soft as Jack said "hey. Good morning Tiger."

Ianto smiled back "Hey Captain!"

Of all the weirdness in his life, this felt like the most normal thing. Waking up with a stranger in his bed after a night of drunken debauchery. Yeah. He could really tick this off his bucket list right?

Ianto knew he should say something else but at the end of the day… life was for living and right now living one experience at a time was better than trying to consider the crap his life had become.

"So… Captain. Any chance of a ride?"

Jack laughed as he nuzzled into Ianto's hair and muttered softly "Awwww …you are such a fucking tease. But really… I need to pee."

"Me too" Ianto giggled, both me shooting off the bed to the bathroom where they stood pissing in the toilet together.

"Awwww, look. We do EVERYTHING together" Ianto gushed in a syrupy sweet voice "Made for each other. What's your sign? I'm a asparagus."

Jack laughed.

.

.

.

.

"So… let me get this straight. Your Dad had an affair and to cover it, he accused your mom of it instead?" Jack asked with a frown "I mean… what the hell CAN you believe now."

"Exactly!" Ianto sighed as he accepted the plate of fry up Toshiko was placing on the table they were all seated at. Breakfast of champions.

"I still wanna DNA test" Owen said around his mouthful of food "Just in case Ianto is NOT a Jones. I mean, so many lies and bullshit, at least he would have that ticked off, you think so Jack?."

Yeah, but if he looks like the grandfather…" Jack argued back and it finally dawned on Ianto that they knew each other.

"How do you know each other?" Ianto asked.

"Jack here is an old friend form school" Owen said happily.

"He's American"

"Yeah, but I don't hold I against him" Owen shrugged as Jack laughed happily. "He is actually Scottish by birth ya know."

"You know… a DNA test would ease my mind, even with Grandy's assertions that I am just like him. I mean … I still can't believe my father would say such a thing if it was not true in some way." Ianto agreed, knowing the test would come back a match but really needing something tangible that he knew was a fact.

Yeah.

He needed that test.

.

.

"Please Rhiannon, I need to have this confirmed so I can let it go" Ianto was pleading with his sister who clearly did not understand the problem here.

"Ianto! Stop being so stupid. Dad already said he was only saying it to upset Mum. Come on." Rhiannon argued, "Anyway. If you want it so bad… ask Dad."

"I don't' want to speak to him right now, the adulterous thief" Ianto said sullenly "Rhiannon, a test can show if we are a hundred percent siblings, I don't need to ask him and give him the opportunity to mess with my head more."

"God, he was not doing it to…"

"Right. So the answer is no. You will not help me? Great. Fine. Daddy's girl. So you went to him and he talked you around did he? All forgiven? Typical, some things never change" Ianto rose from the table, shoving the chair back "Fine Rhiannon. But just remember I came to you and wanted to be your brother. I really did! At least you got your money right? No skin off your nose either way."

"Ianto, don't be such a fucking drama queen" Rhiannon sighed "God, you act just like a little pansy sometimes…."

Ianto's fist on the table was so loud it echoed as he silenced her and he leaned in close to her and hissed "I am one. I fuck men. Actually last night I was the one getting fucked. Like my life at the moment… fucked. You know… you know what… you don't care. That's fine. Dad hasn't done this to you… he did it to me. So have you met them? Our siblings? Huh? You met the two kids he had with his other woman our trust find is paying for? Or does that not matter either. Fucking hypocrite!"

Ianto was storming out of the house, practically feeing the fire in his skin as Rhiannon ran after him "what the fuck are you talking about? You are fucking insane!"

"Yeah? Maybe but at least I know when I am not wanted!" Ianto screamed back totally out of control as he felt tears stinging now "Go ask him Rhia. Go ask where the money went that was to pay my uni. Go ask why I have to drop out now or our little sister gets nothing... likely will get nothing anyway since he pays the bitch's rent weekly from our trust fund account. Go on… ask about his son and daughter to this woman. The other family he has enjoyed for nearly two decades! Go on. Then tell me he's a good Dad. A good man. Clearly not a good husband!"

Ianto left his sister standing there gaping at him.

He knew that had been wrong, he knew he had just verbally slapped her in the face but he could not stand it anymore. His father was not a fucking saint and he was damned if he was going to let her choose his side. If she was not on Ianto's side… fuck her too.


	6. circling the truth

Ianto's phone was blowing up and he sighed as he answered it with an eye roll "What!"

"How could you say those things you piece of shit!"

"Sean. Hey bro… or half bro… or whatever" Ianto said happily as he stormed along the footpath, still too drunk to drive but now feeling the breeze as he left the estate and Rhiannon's self-righteous bullshit behind.

"I don't' know why you are stirring up shit like this but it has to stop. Dad does not need this bullshit, him and mum are…"

"Yeah, you would defend him. Your tuition is paid for. You got money from the trust fund ya wanker" Ianto was quite enjoying this actually. Liberating. Yeah "you and Rhiannon have your lives, you are sorted. The money that was supposed to be for me and Pipsqueak is not enough, dwindling each week with his other wife's rent payments" Ianto said happily "Mind you. Our sister and brother do need a roof over their heads right?"

Silence.

Hmmmm. So he didn't know either? "No? Noting to say? Well… that s a first. Me the one doing the talking"

"Where are you?" Sean finally spoke "I will come get you. We need to talk this over like adults. Whatever you think you know… I mean… what the hell…"

Ianto huffed as he heard a voice in the background urging Sean to find out where he was. Dad. Right. Fucking sycophant. Ianto closed the call with anger.

Right.

Ianto stood fuming, then he called an Uber, wanting to go back to the only place that made sense right now.

.

.

"There he is!" Owen yelled happily "Ianto mate. Get in here, we need a fourth man for monopoly. I have to warn ya though Jack, he is a bloody shark."

Ianto felt a rush of emotion as he saw the man that fucked like a god sitting on the sofa like he lived there, laughing as he offered room beside him for Ianto.

Ianto found out a few things that afternoon including the fact that Jack's body heat is as intoxicating as is his smell… and the bastard cheats.

.

.

"So… what are you going to do?" Owen asked as he sat listening to Ianto's woe.

"Go see the grandfather" Jack said, looking around the table as they sat eating fish and chips, discussing Ianto's messed up life. "DNA right?"

"Brilliant" Ianto said with a slap to the side of his head that left a smear of tomato sauce that Jack found so cute.

"Awwwww, look at the brains bleeding out from thinking too hard" Jack crooned as he wiped the sauce away with a paper towel, laughing softly "Look at ya, what a nutter."

"Thank you. My hero" Ianto said with an eye roll as Jack laughed some more.

"So… any questions? Since I know your dirty laundry flinging about me head… what do you want to know about me?" Jack asked as he settled back to smile at Ianto, a hand on his leg to show affection. This man was so…. Lovely.

"Yeah. Job?"

"Security" Jack answered smoothly "At the moment I am on a hiatus due to thumping the wrong guy. He did ask for it though."

"Wong guy?" Ianto was intrigued.

"Yeah. My client" Jack said, then everyone roared with mirth like it was the funniest thing ever. Ianto didn't know when he had last laughed so much. It was invigorating.

"You know, if you had asked me this time last week what I would be doing today I would have said cleaning the pool or waxing the floors or something" Ianto sighed "I have this routine for cleaning that house. So damned big."

"Don't you have staff?" Jack asked.

"Sure, but it's a big place and really… I like to clean. What can I say?" Ianto shrugged.

"So… you are the middle child, or near enough right? The older ones are achieving and making people clap for them, the youngest is spoiled and sweet… you are invisible." Jack guessed.

"They probably don't even miss me" Ianto pouted, then brightened "But on the bright side… that place sure will get dirty. Hope they enjoy that!"

"Jack is right though. Go see your GrandTad. The DNA kit will work for him right? Your father's father. If there is a possibility of you being family you are golden. If it comes back not a match you know your father was telling the truth… well … A truth in a bunch of lies" Owen suggested.

"I'd rather get drunk again" Ianto said as he reached for the can of Brains but Jack snatched it away.

"Oh no you don't. Owen is right. Come on. I'll take you. You can introduce me a your little 'friend' and maybe get this sorted out. If nothing else you can enjoy sneaking into the place without them knowing and sneaking out again when they search everywhere you for while you are there. Right there if they opened their eyes, eh?" Jack crooned.

"Are you handling me?"

"Look, I hate to say it but you seem a little highly strung. Ever thought of drugs?"

Ianto blinked then roared with mirth as he slapped at Jack and Owen gaped as he finally saw that this was not just some fuck-buddy thing. These two were actually connecting somehow. Really? Owen kinda like that idea.

Two of his best finds?

God.

Ianto's family are gonna go spare!


	7. M.I. Silly Buggers

"So.. this will tell you?" the old man asked as he watched Ianto lay out the kit. Jack sat back watching as Ianto explained it all and his old man seemed lovely, taking it all in and nodding with open interest.

"So… Toshiko has a friend at the lab downtown that can fast-track it. We will know within 24 hours if Dad was telling the truth or not about me not being his. I know I am… deep down I know I am but now he has said it… you know me Grandy. I am not gonna be able to let it go." Ianto settled to smile as his GrandTad nodded.

"And what about you, young man?" Ifan turned his eyes to the handsome young buck that had snuck along the tree-line with Ianto, sniggering and making weird noises as Ianto slapped at him and giggled as well. Ifan had watched them coming from a distance, blatantly showing themselves as they pretended to be bloody Bond spies or something. Ifan knew a lot about his boy and this look that was thrown at the man every now and then was more than he had hoped he might ever see.

The boy was smitten. Not like the others who were simply pleasant, or that Lisa who Ifan was sure he brought home just to upset the apple cart with her dark skin and challenging stare. OH no… each time these two looked at one another they smiled.

"I am a Harkness sir. From over by the Bay. My dad is American, hence the accent but my mom is Scottish. Raised between the Us and England a lot. Then Dad got a posting here in Wales at the army base… been here ever since. Dad is retired now, prefers here to the US. Mom loves it here, closer to her family." Jack smiled. "I did a tour in the air force myself. I am just here to leer over Ianto and enjoy the madness."

"And any kids?"

"Yes sir. A daughter, she lives with her mum and I see her every second weekend." Jack said as Ianto stalled out. What. What? Really? Jack saw his face and added "Lucia and I were friends in college and every now and then when we were lonely or bored we would hook up We do love each other, but not… LOVE each other. Not like that. Alice was an accident and Lucia wanted to keep her. Glad she did, she is a lovely little beastie. Lucia and I are still good friends. Platonic now, she has a husband now and a second little one."

"And where do they live son?"

"They live over in the south side villas. She makes a good bit of coin with her job at the local council and he is in some sort of real estate thing. Don't really know him that well. I just say Hi and Bye when I pick Alice up. I don't want him to feel threatened with me around." Jack shrugged.

"Franklin!" the old man suddenly blurted out with a start "You are Frankie's son!"

Jack gaped "Yes."

"Ah, I know that old horn dog. Christ almighty, we did our own fair share of bar hopping back in the day. Your father knows him better Ianto. I was the old bastard that snuck them into the bars when they were still underage. What a small world. Hew and Frankie were good mates, fell out over a girl. Well now… Mary. Your mother?"

"Yes sir!" Jack started to laugh. "Hew. That was… I remember a photo of him in the old stuff in Dad's drawer. He said Hew was an old friend. Yeah."

"Frankie loved her on sight and Hew was jealous, tried everything he could to get between them, including making a pass at your mother. I always wondered who he was jealous of, him or her. Didn't end well between the two boys. Well … and here we are. Look at you two."

"Life is a series of fate filled moments I guess" Ianto agreed with a nod of his head as he pondered things "So… mum?"

"Came later. On the tail end of it all. I think he only got together with your mother in an attempt to try for couple-dates and things before realising that Frankie was done with his bullshit. By then your mother was preggers with Rhiannon and he was kinda trapped by his own game."

"But she said he wooed her and… really? He was using her and forgot a condom? All that shit they talk about at each wedding about how they met and stuff… more lies?" Ianto was getting angry again and told himself to let it go.

"Shakespeare could not have written this better" Jack said, then he started to laugh "Oh honey. Your face."

"You know... this last week has been the most surreal of my life. So many ups and downs I need a seatbelt." Ianto groaned, flopping back theatrically in his chair as Jack laughed some more.

"On the bright side… you did get me!" Jack finally choked out between gawfs.

"Oh ha-ha" Ianto made a face at him and then smiled as he watched Jack collapse with peels of laughter.

Yeah.

He was pretty lucky there.


	8. 99.999999%

Ianto had kissed his GrandTad goodbye in such a loving way that Jack could see what a kind heart he had. Walking with him hand in hand along the lakeshore back towards where Jack had parked out on the main road, Jack knew he was falling hard and fast for this man.

The papers Ianto had left with from his Grandtad's accountant told the tale of the bank account, the hidden family and the fact that there would not be enough for Pipsqueak to get any academic relief let along Ianto. With Ianto not taking anything it might last another couple of years but then it would all be gone.

The old man felt nothing but rage as he looked over the things left behind, seeing the raw pain of his beloved grandson. Of all the kids, that one was most like him. Reminding him of himself at that age and Ifan knew as sure as he was upright and alive that Ianto was his flesh and blood. For Hew to have put that into Ianto's head not only took the family from Ianto in a heartbeat… it almost took Ianto from Ifan too.

As he sat thinking, the old man knew what he had to do to ensure his grandson's future.

And continued love.

.

.

.

"You know… I don't know how to feel about this" Ianto said as he held the envelope, the last two weeks had been full of ups and downs. The attack from his father that now seems to have been aimed at his mother, ejected from his family due to his father's own guilt still burned. Then there was this guy, this big grinning lunatic that not only fucked like a demon, he was kind and gentle and… damned fun too. I mean, Ianto has never laughed so much, cried so much. It was like a re-birth.

"Go on… open it" Jack urged him "I might have to pee meself."

Ianto giggled as he opened it to see what he knew it would say. Comforted anyway as he saw the 99.99999999% change that this was a biological match for a grandfahter.

Hew was Ianto's father. Ianto didn't know if he would ever be his Tad again though. He had ruined that with his viciousness. Ianto had not spoke with his mother either, her silence in the lack of reaching out to him had hurt too but now he ws two weeks later he knew he was maybe in the wrong there. She must have been confused, upset and maybe she was waiting for him to come to her for comfort and understanding. He had acted like a spoilt child, right? He owed her an apology. Especially now he knew that his father was the unfaithful one.

He was still pissed at his siblings though. Jumping to Hew's defence without a second thought. Sure, they were fine. Even Pipsqueak was fine, her silence the most telling of all. Ianto now had a deep seated belief that she knew. She knew all along and just thought it would not affect her.

Wouldn't. Why Hew said the bank ws closed to Ianto even though he had put money back into it, to ensure something there for his precious Mia, the princess. Ianto now wondered how his father treated these two young kids. His half siblings to this woman he had never met. Were they treated as gruffly? Or were they given the kisses and cuddles that were never there for him?

Ianto felt himself spiralling into anger again and he dropper the piece of paper, taking a deep breath before leaning over to kiss his new lover, Jack's delight in the act not missed by anyone "Sorry. Needed some sugar."

"Oh Tiger, anytime, anywhere!" Jack winked gaining more laughter.

"Cheeky"

"So. What are you doing for Christmas?" Jack asked to the table in general as he fiddled with the papers.

"My family always did the big tree, singing and food… don't feel like it this Christmas though" Ianto frowned "Not sure how to even look at them. GrandTad is the only reason I might consider it. For the old man."

"He is a lovely man" Jack smiled softly now as he recalled Ifan "Maybe we need our own Christmas, start a new tradition. Kidnap him and give him some fun."

Ianto pondered this and looked to Owen who was nodding enthusiastically "Yeah. Has he been to a strip club? Christmas strippers are… awwwww… for him. For him love."

Toshiko slapped at her husband and then laughed as she shook her head at him and cursed him in Japanese which Ianto clearly understood even if Owen didn't, gawfing with laughter.

Christmas was going to be fun.

A new tradition to begin.

Jack had sooo many ideas. They just had to kidnap…ah… uplift the old man.


	9. mum

Ianto picked up the phone, half asleep with Jack wrapped around him still asleep. "Hmmm?"

"Ianto?"

"Mum?" Ianto was awake now, blinking as he tried to focus. The hand lazily stroking him was sooo distracting and he tired half-heartedly slapping at it but it just made Jack naughtier.

"Sweetie… are you OK? I haven't seen you in weeks and… I know your father and you had words about something but… Mia is due home from boarding school and you know we all meet for the first Christmas Family Meal this weekend, it's tradition" she seemed calm, clearly thinking he had been doing his usual hiding in the sand thing when feeling picked on. Of course, Pipsqueak coming home trumped everything right? We all know who the favourite child is right? At least… in THIS family.

"Mum… I don't' know if I can. I mean… I can't really look at him knowing what he did. I know you have clearly forgiven him and accepted this other family but it's too much for me to accept. All that money, my future and Mia's money too… spent on another family he loves more? No… I don't' know if I can even enter the house without feeling ill."

"What are you talking about!" she demanded in anger now "Your father may be flawed but he is a good man."

"A good man. He had an affair with another woman while you were having Pipsqueak, continued the affair even after you forgave him for it. Had a kid with this woman, paid for her rent for MY trust fund all these years, even had another kid with her ten years ago or whatever. All this time mum… all this time he was so cool and brisk with us, he had another entire family that he loved. Wanted. My future siphoned away to pay for his own future. A good man. Christ mum I love you but you are …. I can't look at him knowing he loves another woman and loves his other kids, us just the public image." Ianto snarled then sighed softly as Jack's hand moved to Ianto's stomach to soothingly caress now "He is not a good man. I can't continue my education because the money is almost gone. Not barely enough for Pipsqueak. He chose his other kids over me. How the hell can I ever forgive that?"

She didn't answer and he felt annoyance now as he wondered if she even cared "I love you mum but right now… I don't exactly like my family. Rhia and Sean are fine. Pippy will be OK if I accept my fate as a moneyless bum. So… that is what I will be. I will be dead now, gone and my little bit of money left will mean my little sister has a chance. I guess I was never good enough for him, why it was easier for him to wonder if I was not his. To decide this, he had to want me the least right?"

More silence, if not for the faint sound of her breathing he might have thought she was not there.

"I am going now Mum. I love you, I do. Maybe when He is not there I can come and get my things" Ianto finally said as he prepared to finish the call. He felt lips on the back of his neck "Can you call me when he is not there? I will come home then, to pack my things."

"Oh Ianto" she sighed, the pain in her voice tearing at him "I… I don't know what is going on."

"Ask Rhiannon. Her and Sean have the paperwork, Grandy does to, he has seen the proof of this other family. The marriage certificate and everything…did you know he's even married to this woman. A bigamist. Can you imagine? You are married to a bigamist. Ask, check it out and then defend your 'good' man."

Ianto turned the phone off, rolled to face Jack who hugged him tightly "Oh Ianto. That must have hurt."

"Both of us" Ianto buried his face into Jack's chest "could Mum really not know about any of this? How can she not smell another woman on him? How could she not know?"

"People see what they want to see, always been that way Tiger" Jack soothed "You let me know when you are clearing out your things and I will swap shifts with some of the guys to help you, ok?"

Ianto nodded into Jack's chest, comforted by this man who has not even known him a month yet felt so familiar. So comfortable. Like they had known one another their entire lives. Maybe another life?

Ianto knew this was his new home.

Here in this man's arms, was family.


	10. Jack has a great idea

Jack had a large panel van with the Security firm logo on the side (A LARGE H OF COURSE), driving up the Jones drive with abandon, the skidding of tyres making the gravel fly. Ianto had pondered the large H before finally realizing it was Jack's company that he owned and operated. Seemed this man had some money of his own and was definitely not in this budding relationship for the cash. That made Ianto feel even better about the new man in his life. Jack was looking better every day.

They entered the house to find Ianto's mother waiting. She was not what Jack had expected. He had seen Rhiannon but this… this woman was thin, refined and so attractive. "Why would any man cheat to you" Jack blurted, then felt like a dick.

Ianto's response was to laugh, shaking his head as he motioned Jack "Come on big mouth. This way."

"Ifan?"

"Mum, don't call me that. That's GrandTad's name!" Ianto grumbled "Ianto. It's Ianto. This is Jack, my… boyfriend."

She stared at Jack who waggled his fingers hello, camping with extreme flair up the stairs after Ianto, making a play of slapping his arse as they went. Ianto let Jack into his room and Jack looked around with renewed interest, taking in the huge pile of stuff in the middle of the floor "WOW!"

"I have more stuff at the university dorms… god. Forgot about that, better collect now I can't fish my doctorate next year."

"doctorate. God. He really screwed you over. How much do you need?" Jack grimaced as he watched Ianto throw what things he had left into boxes. Finally Ianto had everything he hadn't fitting in the car the first time he had pranced off like a first class diva.

"Right. That's everything I need" Ianto said as he and Jack carried the boxes down to find everyone waiting downstairs waiting for them. Oh great. A double cross.

"Ianto! Finally, do you have a minute?" Sean asked, eyeballing the man who seemed unfazed by the greeting party.

"I don't know. Jack? Do we have a minute lover?"

"Sure Tiger. Let's put these in the van and come back in for the talk" Jack said, both men ambling outside to put the boxes in the van, then closed the doors. Jack then turned to Ianto and said "Last one in the van is a rotten egg."

Ianto gaped as Jack took off for the driver's side door and with a whoop Ianto ran to the passenger door, clambering in as Jack started the engine and gunned it, the gravel flying as they took off laughing.

Felt so childish.

Jack took a left and they found themselves at the old man's place. Jack turned to Ianto "You don't owe them a dammed thing but this one… he is different. I know you worry about him."

Ianto smiled as he entered the house, calling for his grandfather.

"Boy!"

Ianto sat by the grandfather, reaching for his hand "Hey old man. That nurse treating you ok?"

"She steals everything and I am sure she is eating my food" he said with a grizzled glare then grinned as he chuckled at his own joke "She's a good girl. Yeah."

"Good. Jack and me just snuck off on them, they are probably still in there waiting for Jack and me to turn up and sit for them to berate for my feelings" Ianto huffed.

"No, they are stomping across the lawn after you actually" Jack said as he stood looking out the window "Oops… the fat one fell over. Sorry, I didn't mean fat I mean…"

"Rhiannon is still getting over her pregnancy fat" Ianto said with annoyance, "Takes time to get your body back into shape after a baby is born!"

"Oh?" Jack asked with raised eyebrows "and how old is said baby?"

"Six?" Ianto said with the same bland face, and then started to giggle "OK. She's… cuddly."

"Well now, look at this. I never thought I would see the day when my Boy I actually happy. I am so glad to see this. You make an old man happy before he dies" Ifan said with an emphasis on the dying part, finishing it off with a fake cough.

"Grandy! I swear to god, you will outlive us all. You had better … I can't imagine a life without you to come whinge to like a girl's blouse all the time" Ianto said as he hugged his grandfather.

"Do you think he wants to come to our Christmas Party?" Jack asked.

"What?" Ianto leaned back to stare at Jack with surprise.

"Well… if the family one here is so boring and we are starting or own one with our friends… Ifan should be part of it right? He's not just your GrandTad, he's your friend. Right?" Jack reasoned.

"A party?"

"Yes!" Ianto said as he watched the old man light up. Yes, Jack was right.

Christmas was not Christmas without family.

It was time to think about breaking Ifan out of this place!


	11. revelations

Ifan was sitting in a chair like it was a throne as everyone moved around him, the party underway as Jack and Ianto called friends to come and make the place 'christmasy' and not only were they having fun decorating, the singing had started.

Ifan settled back in the chair to listen as the hymn singing started and after a while he joined in. The smell of food permeated the air as some arrived with their contributions and soon a feast was being laid out as the old man found himself at the head of the table. Ifan had never felt so loved. He looked around the table full of young blood, joy and companionship and knew his boy was loved. He now knew he had to fix the other problem, rising from the chair to speak as the voices died down.

"Ianto, my lovely boy. I am hereby gifting you fifty thousand dollars for the reminder of your education and as a down payment on a nice little place." he declared to the stunned table of people.

"Christ, can you be my grandfather too?" Owen managed to break the silence as Ianto slapped at him.

Ifan smiled at the strange man his grandson now had in a headlock, then turned to Jack "Jackson… I trust you to look out for him and for everyone here to support him when he needs it. I wish to hell my family were this loving."

"GrandTad… you can't…."

Then Ifan had a moment of clarity, something long forgotten but still holding true, so he then asked "Actually. Do you want the Big House? All you kids gone now, why is my son and his wife in the house that is for a large family? Hmmm? Time they moved out and gave it to you, look at all these people to fill it with light and colour again!"

Ianto blinked as Jack roared with mirth "Right. Evict them!"

"Why not! It's my bloody house ya know, with them swanking about like they own it. They forget… convenient this amnesia. You know, that is still my bloody house and I have been thinking about it for a while now. I only swapped because they had too many kids for the rooms in the Lake House. I said to Hew at the time, only until they are grown. Well, fuck me! You are all grown and I want that house back! They have their own money right? Why are they living off me?" Ifan huffed "I want you close!"

"But you can't just chuck out…. Oooo. That would be so.. Mum didn't' do anything wrong" Ianto frowned.

"Then she can stay if you want her to, in YOUR house. He can fuck off" Ifan barked, the table erupting with laughter.

Jack leaned back and watched Ianto as he pondered the possibility of evicting his father knowing full well Ianto could never do such a thing. So he said "WE could move in and let him make his own decision on whether to stay or go."

"That is what you call putting the cat amongst the pigeons" Owen laughed loudly, pointing between them "go on. Do it! I dare you!"

"Shut up Owen" Ianto said without venom.

"I DOUBLE DARE YOU!"

Ianto closed his mouth and glared at him for a moment or two then leaned forward to hiss "YOU'RE ON!"

Jack clapped with glee.

.

.

.

"Where the hell have you been with him!" Sean yelled as Ianto helped Ifan into his house "We almost called the police and filed a missing person's report but were sacred we would have to amend it to kidnapping."

"Fuck off Sean" Jack said as he pushed around Ianto and Ifan, startling the man.

"Sean, you remember my boyfriend Jack" Ianto said as he settled Ifan in the chair and Ifan sighed happily, then burped.

"He's drunk" Sean pointed at their grandfather, "Oh my god… you got him hammered!"

"He is NOT drunk!" Jack said angrily "He's high. He just imbibed some first class weed with some of our friends. Of course Ianto and I are sober and straight. We were looking after him"

"LOOKING AFTER HIM!"

"don't shout in my house ya little fecker!" Ifan scolded happily "where is my nursey?"

The nurse entered and gasped, her hands going to her amble bosom as the middle aged lady rushed to straighten up the man already sliding in the chair. "Ifan! look at you, what a scamp!"

"Darling Daisy" he chortled, his hand sliding around her plump arse for a slap as she squeaked and then to everyone's shock… giggled.

"Stop that you old horn-dog, there are people here!" she scolded, leaning over to kiss his forehead with affection as he grinned into those boobs "Behave. Hungry?"

"Arghhhh, could eat a woolly mammoth. Get it? I'm old" he roared with mirth at himself as she straightened up and pulled her uniform into order, flushed with a soft smile as she scolded some more and then took off to get him his favourite snack.

"GrandTad… are you… schlepping her?" Jack asked calmly, Ianto and Sean turning their heads to stare at Jack like he had lost his damned mind.

"A lovely filly" Ifan replied sagely "Why she has such a well thought out wage packet. Yeah… she looks after me so well. My sweet Daisy a day. Ah!"

She returned and placed down a smoothie of bright pink that smelt strongly of strawberries and a sandwich that looked to be full of…. Hundreds and thousands? Ianto smiled "fairy bread."

"Food of champions" Ifan nodded, the strawberry smoothie's straw sucked on with glee.

As they men exited the hose Jack started to laugh softly "Well… if that's how the gently retire around here, I agree that money can buy you happiness."

"Old dog. Well… as long as he is happy" Ianto nodded, looking over at Sean who had stooped outside to look back at the Lake House.

"Do you think he is?" Sean asked, concern there.

"Yes brother. Now I know the feeling I can say with all honesty… that is a loved man."

Jack didn't say anything, just drawing Ianto close as he revelled in the words that let him know that Ianto had seen him, did appreciate him and they were definitely more than just fuck buddies.

For Jack did love him so.


	12. hello there sailor

Operation Fuck Daddy Dearest was in effect as Jack backed up the truck, the beeping noise of the safety feature making staff come out with interest to watch as Ianto leapt from the passenger door to wave to them "Hey guys. Guess who is moving back in?"

"Oh darling!" the Chef yelled in his high pitched voice "thank god. I can't stand making another tapioca pudding. Come on, chocky pudding tonight?"

"Yes please Arthur, make it for… er… twenty! I want the staff to eat with us and I have some friends coming as well, OK?" Ianto nodded "And can we not have fancy shit? I would kill for one of your roasts."

Arthur puffed with delight as the young man patted his shoulder affectionately. He knew that would mean at least three courses and the staff invited to sit too? YUM!

Ianto then giggled as Jack passed with boxes. "You remember where my room is Cariad?"

"Follow the scent of scorched earth? Yeah. Nice and big. I can fit my desk in under the window when the other truck gets here" Jack shot over his shoulder.

The staff blinked and then turned to Ianto with open interest as Anna stepped forward like the designated person to ask. "sweetie?"

Ianto shrugged "So? Yes, I am moving my fancy man in with me. SO? He is soooo fancy is he not?"

Laughter as they felt the house shifting, then Ianto added "Also… the older siblings. Can we clear their rooms out? Put their things into the third garage? They can come get them at their leisure. Silly to have rooms each when they are not living here, houses of their own with Sean ten minutes up the road and Rhiannon less than a twenty minute drive away, not like they need to stay overnight … they can come for their junk, right? MY house, MY junk!"

"Just leave the little miss?"

"Yes Julia, Pipsqueak still has a room as long as she is in need of it." Ianto agree, then added "My mother is still welcome too."

"And your father?" Barry asked.

Ianto shrugged at the groundskeeper who had been there to visit with his lover, the Chef "up to him. Like I say My house and My rules. IF he doesn't like it he can jog on. GrandTad gave me the place as my Christmas Pressie, wasn't that grand? My house now. And while he is under my roof, my father had better live by MY rules!"

Ianto then turned to one of the footmen "Roger Dodger. Can you prepare the blue room? I have a lovely couple coming to stay in there for a while… he's a doctor ya know."

"Oooo" Roger grinned "So… who else?"

"Anna. I need you and Coral to sort out the Royal Suite. God, I hate that title. Come up with something else while you are at it. Never used to be called that. I have another couple coming for that and they are a couple of queens I guess, then four more singles? Well, depending on how much we drink… some might wind up in someone else's bed with these nutters."

Now laughter was booming s thy all saw the mess about to erupt everywhere and the gleeful man inviting his father's wrath. The Chef choked out "Hewey won't like that happy shit!"

"No. Why suitcases are best taken to his room and left by his bed just in case he needs them" Ianto sniffed haughtily, then let them laugh some more. "Right… come on. I want to take down some paintings I always hated and we can decide on what colour I am going to paint the drawing room. How about purple? No? Pink? Lilac?"

Ianto watched Charles slide out the door into the main hallway then take off and knew he was running for his lord and master. Little sycophant. Good. Saves him having to tell his father, seems his little bum licker was going to get there first.

Ianto found Jack in the bedroom puling things about and throwing things into the hallway with glee from the 'go' pile to crate space. Then he looked at Ianto who turned and strode to the window Jack wanted his desk under, opening it wide to start to throw stuff out it "Why waste energy Cariad. This way, then a bonfire tonight!"

"God, that is clever" Jack giggled, a bedside lamp fling out to smash on the lawn below "oops. Did you want that?"

"Butter fingers" Ianto agreed, throwing some boring sports awards from his childhood he always hated. He hated being a swimmer, he did love rowing and was pleased to keep those awards and medals, ribbons… but swimming always felt so pushed. He did it to please his parents, winning events so they could crow to their friends. Ribbons fluttered in the breeze as Ianto threw another handful and laughed as he leaned out to watch them land in the bushes. A flash of skirts as his mother darted out to snatch the ribbons and race back inside with them. Whatever. She had plenty of time to take what she wanted. He hiffed a pewter cup at the lawn, satisfied when it hit so hard it sank into the sod.

"So.. new year, new you huh?" Jack asked.

"Yes you got here just in time for the metamorphosis" Ianto seized him, kissing him with gusto then heard the sound of bellowing as his father raced along the hallway. Ianto stepped back and whirred "Showtime."

Jack did not know what Ianto wanted but acted instinctively, dropping his pants to the floor and turning with his semi-erect penis poking out to stare at the doorway as Hew stormed in and started to yell at Ianto… blink…look at the half naked man in hero pose, the dick sticking out between the tails of his shirt…. Big… wow… er…. Ianto did a double take at Jack and then doubled down with a raised eyebrow at his father like this was his fault somehow.

"F…ahhhh"

"Yes father?" Ianto asked like nothing was wrong.

"Ah…" Hew turned on his heel and left the room, Ianto bursting into peels of uncontainable laughter as Jack swing to face him, his erection bouncing.

"Was it something I said?"


	13. settling down

Owen and Toshiko arrived first, bags and bottle of booze zoomed past as they were taken to the blue room. John and his bit of fluff no one knew the real name to but he kept calling 'poodle' got the Royal Suite. Of course he thought it was hilarious.

Then came a handful of ours from the circles Ianto liked to move in, not surprised to find them all knowing Jack. Isn't it strange? How often had they missed one another. Ships passing in the night, one arriving as the other was levering not never noticing one another until now? Seems fated.

Ianto knew his father was enraged, had gone to the Lake House to demand some sort of explanation and the distant sound of a shotgun blast even made Jack pause. "Shit. The old man still got some pot?"

They ran for the lake House, across the lawn as Ianto's father ran towards them, his eyes wide with terror as Ifan yelled "Next time I will aim for yer arse!"

"Father!"

"Fuck" Hew decided he was safe to stop, bending over and coughing from the exertion "Old bastard is armed."

"So I see" Ianto nodded.

"Ianto… what the hell is going on!"

"GrandTad gave you the house while you were raising your family. You raised us. You no longer need the house and as it IS Grandtad's he deigned to give it to me. So…. It's MY house now. I am making some changes, prettying it up and if you don't like it you can go live with your other family. Your other wife might welcome you but I don't know… the fraud squad may have already been there to get a copy of that marriage certificate. Even if it's not real… conning her into thinking you are married is still illegal."

"What?"

"Your wife? Two kids? Yeah… I know everything. So does Mama, god knows what she sees in you to want to salvage this… personally I think you need to take a long walk off a short pier. Or neutering. Mama still has her room, her place here. You however… if you do stay it will be under my roof and my rules. However... once the police start getting into your life I may not want that so of scandal in my house." Ianto stopped talking as he struggled to keep his face straight with the bluff because he had not gone to any authorities over what he had found. His mother had asked him not to and he would honour that promise… but his father didn't need to know that right? "I suggest you take what you can and run. After all… you do have that offshore account with about a million in it right? I only took back…. Some."

His father paled and made a noise of horror, taking off for the house as Ianto turned to watch him go.

"What off shore account?" Owen asked.

"Buggered if I know but he seems to have one after all, if that reaction is anything to go by" Ianto said wistfully and everyone roared with mirth.

"OK, one more question. Jack… why don't you have pants on?" Owen asked calmly. Toshiko glanced down and giggled as Owen covered her eyes with his hands "Christ woman … come on. That can scar you for life… or me!"

Jack looked down at his happy dick and shrugged "the Wee Guy needed air?"

Seems many had seen this not so 'Wee Guy' before and were not the least bit phased as they wanderer back into the house and Jack had the decency to pull his shirt out to help hide the bouncing happiness.

Ianto's mother was on the stairs and she called out as they entered "Ianto? Duckling? What I going on?"

"GrandTad gave me the Big House for my Christmas gift and some friends have come to stay while I settle in" Ianto said with a grin as Jack slid past the pretty lady with a modicum of decorum… if that is possible given the arse flash behind her at Ianto who tied not to acknowledge the moon. Or Jack deftly picking her pocket for three ribbons.

"And… these are your friends?" she asked looking around at all the young faces "Oh, how lovely."

"So... put on your glad rags, tonight we are having a lovely big meal in the big dining room. The table will be full for the first time in years" Ianto said with glee.

"Oh, well now" She said softly as she looked at the young faces and felt the energy of the place "Your father will not be best pleased I guess."

"Nope" Ianto popped the P.

"Good" she decided "I think he can… oh dear… fuck right off… is that how you say it Kitten?"

"Yes Mama and… Mama, I am not a kitten anymore" Ianto said as he hugged her, whispering in her ear "I am a fully fledged Tiger now. Rwoarrrr."

She giggled as she clung to him, relieved that he was happy.


	14. bows

Daddy Dearest did not stay, the car roaring off in a plume of dust and gravel as Ianto waved happily, then turned to go back into the party in progress.

That was easy.

His mother seemed calm about it all, pleased even as she danced with one of Jack's friends who Ianto found a little TOO friendly but Jack said something that made the man's smile a little more… polite. Yes. Less alluring and more respectful. Good. GrandTad is not the only one with a trigger finger ya know.

It was later that Ianto found out why Jack had retrieved those ribbons. They had retired to bed happy, tipsy and well fed. As Ianto stumbled out of his clothes Jack went into the bathroom, then shot past for the bed as Ianto hummed to himself, turning to find his lover in the bed with a big grin on his face.

"You know… I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing that in the short time I've known you I already know that grin is a naughty one!" Ianto smiled back lovingly "you're up to something Captain!"

"What!" Jack said with wide eyes.

Ianto knew he ws up to something but he slid into the bed with apprehension as he was sure this man wanted to play somehow but to his surprise Jack lay there perfectly still like a good boy. OK…now Ianto was REALLY suspicious and he rolled to him with a frown "what!"

"Huh?" Jack grunted "Nothing, trying to sleep here."

Ianto frowned deeper, examining Jack's face inches from his own and he saw a slight twitch at the corner of one eye. Bastard WAS up to something. Ianto reached under the covers for that dick that had more than enough air recently only to find something he hadn't expected.

"Jack?"

"Hmmmm?"

"What… what is…" Ianto pulled the covers up and looked down at his lover's sweet body and ejection that sprang up the moment it had space to do so. Along with the swimming ribbons tied around it. Like… several ribbons.

"I put a bow on it for ya" Jack said with a giggle "for Christmas."

"Oh Jack… just what I always wanted" Ianto said before the giggling started and he was unable to keep up the charade.

What a great use for those ribbons, the ribbons Ianto knew were in his mother's pocket to do long ago. Might even smell of her perfume still, stolen from her by this…this… god. Stop that, don't do that… think… cowboys and thing swashbuckling and … well.. look at THAT prize!

"Jack, I do love you, ya know" Ianto said as he leaned in and kissed him, Jack reveling in the words he needed to hear right now, from the only persons he wanted to share his time with tonight.

He murmured his own affections as they kissed languidly, so in love. Then …. In the distance, there was faint shouting on the lawn below followed by someone making… barking noises? … and Ianto pulled back to stare at Jack "What the fuck is that?"

"Don't' worry about it. John is taking his poodle for a walk before bed by the sound of it, hope he has a bag with him to clean up if there are any… droppings" Jack said, then they both stated to giggle as Ianto reached again for a ribbon, pulling at it.

"Well… shame to take them off when you went to so much trouble to get them on" Ianto frowned as he bit his bottom lip in a way Jack had never seen before. Oooo. So cute.

"Well… looks like I get to ride the whirlwind tonight eh?" Jack said with glee as he rolled on to Ianto who was now laughing openly as Jack whispered "I'm already open to receive."

"God that sounded just like 'Hotel California' then" Ianto choked out.

"You can come… anytime" Jack purred "and I might check out but I will never leave."

"Corny" Ianto said with a glare that could not be maintained as he counted those six ribbons again and said softly almost to himself more than Jack "God… who knew I could fall in love so fast."

Jack wriggled on him, sliding deeper onto Ianto' ejection as he replied with a grunt "Me too."

"Shut up you whore" Ianto said as he seized a few of the ribbons' bows and tugged "Just shut up and move if you want your gold coin."

"Move?"

"Yeah… jingle my bells" Ianto panted, Jack now losing rhythm as he seized the headboard to stabilize himself as he roared with mirth. Even in roll-play, this guy was so much fun.

"I can't believe it" Ianto said as he settled in to Jack's warmth afterwards "You put a frickin' bow on it."

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The end

Thanks for reading xxx


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